If my father were to die today, I would not want to make amends. Nor would I ask for forgiveness (having done nothing wrong save attempting to save myself from his abuses). And I would not in the least be interested in his tearful apology. The only thing I would ask is that he leave this world with no regrets. The amount of disappointment he had for me was matched measure for measure by my own disappointment in him. The fact that he had waited this long to die only mocks my futile requests for his death all those years ago, and I've moved on from that time. Don't regret those nosebleeds and slaps and daggers to my core. I am who I am today because of them. The universe took those "minor irritations"--like a mollusk--and transformed them into the strength and beauty of my soul. I will survive. And I will love myself more than Thou. We shall all reunite in the dust that is this planet. So do not rage (anymore), raging man enraged by all. Move forward into that sleep of nonbeing. And hold nothing back because nothing ever held me back. And I won't regret never knowing a father's love as you should not regret never knowing a son's. But that's only if my father were to die today. Tomorrow is another day.
Last night I watched 1984 & Dr. Strangelove. I decided to show my GOVT 2302 class Dr. Strangelove because it is quite a bit more straightforward; although I would love to show a class 1984 instead and have it mean to them what it has meant to me for all these years. It remains one of my favorite books of all times. And the soundtrack by the Eurythmics was a profound influence on me musically.