I have become such an American! After the past seventy five minutes in
traffic, I now see that I am nothing more than a cog in the great American
machine--another blip on the gridlock. And as I sit waiting for traffic to
move, my air is perfectly conditioned, music is tuned to my liking (that is,
when the local radio stations play something tolerable), my mind is out like a
light, my body moves according to controlled stimuli: red light, dashed white
line, octagon sign. Arrival is something mysterious, and one is never quite
sure how one actually traveled to one's destination. Only the point of origin
and the point of arrival are known in the great equation of American highways;
the shape and flow of the actual distance traversed is unknowable. Much like
life within the walls of Fortress America: we are born in America, and (by
God) we will die in America. Anything in between is mere history. "Honey, I
earned $20 an hour today, so my company could burn another hole in the ozone,
so I could develop chronic bronchitis, so I could go on disability, so my
company could *early retire me, so I can be taken care of by my company, so I
can die in America--Land of the Free. How was your day?"
At times I try to feel something real. I try to disconnect from my head. I
try to shut down the machine. I try to unplug. Sometimes I succeed, and in
those moments, I am god.
There's a bumper sticker, or a tee shirt, or a poster, or something with
this phrase: "You have to go in to find out." It gives me chills.
And on the wall in the halls of the training center of my multi-national
corporation is a *feel-good poster entitled "Teamwork" which depicts the Great
Wall of China. The picture might as well depict slaves on a cotton plantation.
Last night I participated in a Seder supper for Passover for the first
time. So I've been singing Negro spirituals and Bob Marley tunes all day while
I took my mid-morning and mid-afternoon walking breaks around the perimeter of
my building. In order to exercise. In order to feel something outside of my
head. In order to really exist.
19:04